Gratitude is often the first thing to go when life gets tough. In fact, research suggests that over hundreds of years our brains have evolved to respond more strongly to negative experiences than positive ones. This trait used to help keep us safe from danger back when we had to hunt and collect our own food every day, but now that we are in modern times and we can go to the grocery store for food, we no longer face the same dangers as we as a species used to. A trait which once was effective in protecting humankind has now found itself in the way. This tendency to overreact specifically to negative experiences is called the negativity bias. According to this theory, it is human instinct to react more strongly to a negative incident than a positive one, even when the two incidents are of the same magnitude. And not only do we react more strongly to negative experiences, we also tend to dwell and ruminate on them longer than positive ones.
And yet, research also tells us that practicing active gratitude leads to a more peaceful and happy life. There is actually an astounding amount of research that suggests that gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness. This may feel daunting, because we have centuries of biological evolution stacked against us. Our instinct is not to be grateful, it’s to be negative. But gratitude is recognized as one of the fundamental virtues in the creation of happiness. Gratitude is imperative to our recovery. So what do we do? Well, we already know, hopefully, that recovery is hard work. We don’t get to just sit back and let God do everything. If we want to change, we have to put in the work. I’m sure everyone already knows this.
This all being said, it’s clear to me that we have to work at gratitude. As I’ve already said, it is not our natural inclination. It’s just like forgiveness – we have learned that forgiveness is also essential to our own mental health and recovery, but it’s not our natural state to want to forgive. We have to actively practice this, to take time to consciously be grateful for our lives. Because when we step back, we will realize that we have a lot to be grateful for.
I want to make it clear that I’m not suggesting that we ignore our negative feelings or try to pretend that bad things never happen to us. That’s also unhealthy. We do need to acknowledge and address the bad and hurtful things that happen to us or that we do. We need to do this so we can heal and move forward. The difference is that we shouldn’t be dwelling on these things. We shouldn’t be holding onto resentments and anger. We shouldn’t be clutching all of our disappointments tightly in our fists because it vindicates our negative behaviors. The trouble is not that we are addressing our hurts and disappointments; the trouble is that we are only recognizing our hurts and disappointments. We need to take the time to recognize all of the positivity in our lives, because in most cases it actually overwhelms the negative.
It makes sense that if we consistently act negatively and hold onto life’s valleys, our own life will be a reflection of that negativity. And this seems to be something that God knew because there are multiple instances in the bible where we are told to give thanks. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, “In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” Even when things are difficult, we can give thanks. We can give thanks when we have worries and troubles because we know that God is there for us and will provide for us. Another verse I really like which tells us to give thanks is 1 Chronicles 16:34, “Give thanks to the Lord for he is good, his love endures forever.”
One thing that I have found to be effective in learning gratitude is to make a daily gratitude journal. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy, just a simple journal where I take the time every day to write a few things I am grateful for. This simple act of making me consciously think and write about things I’m grateful for makes a big difference. For one thing, it reminds me of these things that ordinarily I may not take the time to be thankful for. And another thing this simple act does is help retrain my brain to be in the habit of looking at and being grateful for the wonderful things in my life.Another thing I have found to be effective is to challenge my negative thoughts. As I’ve already said, it’s instinct for my brain to react negatively or to laser in on negative incidents. It’s easy, when a loved one says something hurtful or isn’t very considerate, to immediately tell myself that they don’t love or care about me. Instead, I have to remind myself of all the ways that they do love me and give them the courtesy of understanding that they may be having an off day. I want to end this with a passage from Psalm 23:1-6, which is essentially a great list of things to be grateful for. “The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Sarah Gudmunson
